he said, she said

he said, she said (a failure to communicate)
by hardCore

she said, "you're deep"
referring to the sound of my voice
rather than the words they held

i said, "what a dress"
referring to how sexy it looked stretched out across my floor
opposed to spaghetti strapped over her shoulders

she whispered, "i love this"
referring to what she hoped "this" would become

i mumbled, "me too"
referring to what i thought "this" was

we both moaned, "yes!"

she, thinking of him
me, thinking of the previous her

the next morning, we both waved "goodbye"

she meant, for now
i meant, forever

letter writing

The following black face image appeared in an editorial piece for i-D Magzine featuring American Apparel clothing,

Being that advertising is my day job, I'm extremely sensitive to imagery from advertisers and media outlets. So when I saw the above picture for the first time, it struck me as odd and in poor taste. As I continued to examine the concept and wording of the piece, I began to find it offensive and inflamatory. At that point I made it my personal mission to do something. What did I do? Friday I wrote a letter. I wrote a letter to American Apparel to let them know I wasn't happy with the imagery I saw in i-D Magazine. I also emailed the above image to my entire email list which includes over 200 people. I encouraged them to write letters as well, and many did. I also contacted as many woman and civil rights organizations as possible. And just like that, a campaign was born.

This past Friday I received a letter from American Apparel letting me know they had nothing to do with the creative direction of the above photoshoot. Here is a small piece of what that letter said.

The offensive image that you referenced is not an American Apparel ad, nor did American Apparel have anything to do with the creative direction. Since we have no creative input on any fashion editorials produced, I would express your understandable concerns with this recent fashion editorial to i-D magazine. - them

I replied back with the following email.

We now understand this was not an ad created by your company.

However, the fact remains, your products are a part of that racist image. Therefore, to not denounce i-D magazine's immoral use of your product is to stand by it.

Unless and until American Apparel has gone on record to distance themselves from I-D magazine's creative interpretation, we will continue to push forward with our awareness campaign to let people of color know of the types of racist images still being generated, and the names of the companies that condone this type of imagery. - me

Well, American Apparel wanted it to be known that they hire diverse people and the above image is in no way representative of their business ethics or hiring practices. In fact, they called the business office of 3rd Eye Open to speak about it. They were contrite, and let it be known they would be publicly distancing themselves from this editorial piece. We'll now be focusing our attention on i-D Magazine and their irreverent level of sensitivity.

Now, I know some of you are like, come on, this is much to do about nothing. Well, I don't see it that way. I believe that true activism is about doing more than TOLERATING things we don't like. It's about actively pursuing an end. Whether that is an apology, education, a firing, removal of images, or simply to drawing attention to an issue. And nothing communicates our angers and frustrations better than letter writing. I am not a trouble maker. I am a citizen of the U.S. willing to yell, kick, and scream for issues close to my heart. Over the years, I've written tons of letters to different organzations, politicians, executives, and newpaper writers. Through this dialogue we can force a change, see Imus. If more of us wrote letters and protested, our current president wouldn't be in office. But that's another issue altogether. The world is full of wrongs. And one of the best ways to right those wrongs, is by WRITING. So why aren't you? Power to the people, one luv.

YOU

hey YOU.

YOU don't smile enough. or even think to.

YOU have eyes, that hold tears filled with unaswered questions, memories and frustrations, that subside when YOU cry, but always come back to eventually bother YOU.

YOU don't believe enough. in yourself. in others. or your ability to simply believe.

YOU only feel misunderstood, because YOU misunderstand the importance of communication.

don't blame other people for not being YOU, for not thinking as YOU would, or acting as YOU would.

YOU are loved.

YOU are as different, as you are alike, all the rest of us. sometimes that comforts you, other times it just makes you feel overlooked, ordinary, and alone.

YOU think i don't know YOU. the truth is, everyone who has ever known YOU, knows YOU well enough to know how special YOU are, even when they don't act like it.

there is someone YOU love, that you have been preparing yourself to lose. and still, when YOU finally lose them, YOU won't be prepared.

the world spins to your rhythm, YOU just don't know it.

God watches YOU. even when YOU stop looking to God.

no one will ever take a chance on YOU, until YOU take a chance on somebody.

it's okay to really love who YOU are, YOU deserve that.

the YOU you were yesterday, is not the YOU you are today. YOU are better.

YOU are smarter than you'll ever know.

stronger than you'll ever know.

more magnificent than you'll ever know.

in fact, YOU remind me of someone very special.

ME.

bruce lee says...

Mistakes are always forgivable, if one has the courage to admit them.

A goal is not always meant to be reached, it often serves simply as something to aim at.

Simplicity is the key to brilliance.

If you think a thing is impossible, you'll make it impossible.

Truth has no path. Truth is living and, therefore, changing.

A wise man can learn more from a foolish question than a fool can learn from a wise answer.

If you love life, don't waste time, for time is what life is made up of.

As you think, so shall you become.

I fear not the man who has practiced 10,000 kicks once, but I fear the man who has practiced one kick 10,000 times.

It's not the daily increase but daily decrease. Hack away at the unessential.

Love is like a friendship caught on fire. In the beginning a flame, very pretty, often hot and fierce, but still only light and flickering. As love grows older, our hearts mature and our love becomes as coals, deep-burning and unquenchable.

The highest technique is to have no technique.

To see a thing uncoloured by one's own personal preferences and desires is to see it in its own pristine simplicity.

The idea is that flowing water never goes stale, so just keep on flowing

The key to immortality is first living a life worth remembering.

bootie lies: the untruth about sex

"Dude, you know I hit that right."

"Ole girl? For real?"

"Oh hell yeah, killed that sh*t all night long. She a freak too..... Oh yeah, don't tell nobody."

Just like that, a bootie lie is born. We all know what a bootie lie is. I never heard more booties lies in my life than in the high school locker room. Something about testosterone concentrated in one place tends to make sex the main subject of any and every conversation. And anywhere there are men talking about sex, there are men lying about sex. No, men aren't the only ones that tell bootie lies, but men do it with such prowess that it's like we own the genre. I've seen guys tell bootie lies to seem more macho and to hide their insecurities, while others just do it to fit in and go along for the ride. What I always found amusing is, for the most part, you could always see a bootie lie a mile away.

Something about a bootie lie is always exaggerated. It's never just, "yo, I hit that". It always has elements that resemble a creative writing exercise. As if the teller of the lie is under the belief that, the more unbelievable the story is, the more they'll be forced to believe me. Instead it always has the opposite affect . Although some bootie lies will go down as some of the funniest things I've ever heard, for the most part, I look down on guys who lie about sex. I just think it's a pretty weak thing to do. I mean, anyone willing to sacrifice another person to make themself look good doesn't have much heart or integrity in my opinion. But a funny thing happens when you serve up a young man a strong dose of peer pressure. Chances are, no matter how much of an individual he is, he just may fall prone to wanting to "fit in". I should know, because once upon a time, I too told a bootie lie.

The year was 1992, second semester of my freshman year in college. I was hanging around some of the older guys and they were grilling us freshman about what girls we had slept with. Slowly they started making their way around the room, from one guy to the next asking him the same question, "who you been with". Didn't take much of a brain to figure out my turn under the microscope was coming up pretty soon. Instead of telling the truth, "I got with this senior, and that's it", I panicked. They viewed me as a leader to a lot of those dudes, different, cooler, more mature. And I did not want to disappoint. So what did I do? I told a booty lie. Not only did I mention the girl's name who I got with, I also offered up a girl who had been liking me a lot, Stacy. I think I felt like, one chic for the semester wasn't good enough for a playa-playa like myself, so I threw my homegirl under the bus. Stacy was a girl who I was cool with. We got a long great as friends, then she decided she liked me. We tried that for a minute, nothing came of it, and we went back to being homies. Why her name came out of my mouth of all people, I'll never know. But it did. And the minute those guys started going "ewwwwwww, this boy is a pimp", I knew I had made one of the biggest mistakes of my life.

Fast forward to the LAST WEEK OF SCHOOL. Picture me in the gym playing basketball. Picture Stacy walking towards the court with three or four angry looking girls with her. I'm hooping, and Stacy yells out, "I need to talk to you". I immediately knew what time it was, but I stayed cool. "Alright, when the game is over", and I kept hooping. Soon as the game was over. I stepped to Stacy with confidence thinking, "f*ck it, just tell the truth." But somehow, the truth did not come out. She asked me had I told people I slept with her. I said "no." She said, "you sure?" I said "yes", and that was that. She then proceeded to hunt down each and every guy who was there to ask what if anything I had said about her. Till this day, I don't know if they lied for me, or told the truth. Really doesn't matter. Stacy and I never spoke again. I've actually only seen her one time since that day, about three years later. I was at a club, and before I got a chance to go up to her and apologize, she rolled her eyes and walked the other way. Dayum that hurt. Believe it or not, that bootie lie has been eating at me for 16 years. I try to live my life in a way that I don't have people out there who hate me for no reason. And it hurts me deeply to know, there is a girl who hates me for a very good reason, because I lied on her. Well, a lot of time has passed, and I think it's unhealthy for me to keep carrying the weight of that mistake with me. So as of today, I officially forgive myself for that bootie lie.

I was eighteen when I told that lie, and I did what eighteen year old boys do, I lied about sex. That doesn't make it right, but it also doesn't make it the end of the world. It's time for me to move on. As for Stacy, if you're out there reading this, or if we somehow cross paths in the future, I just want to let you know from the bottom of my heart, I am truly sorry for slandering your good name and throwing away our friendship over a bootie lie. I just hope enough time has passed that you finally accept my apology. One luv.

a moment of silence

1919 - 2007

the american anti-nigga

"“The Negro is America's metaphor." - Richard Wright

I've never been one to buy into the whole black people vs. niggas debate, mainly because I refuse to embrace the Western mentality that deems certain people acceptable, and others unacceptable. It's always been my belief that, we're either all black people, or all niggas. And because I know I'm not a nigga, I have to assert that all of those who belong to my racial class must be black people. And the same way certain black people have become educated and have attained a certain amount of economic stability, with the right opportunity, and with hard work, other black people can achieve that same lifestyle. That said, there are many who disagree. Many black people will tell you, "what's truly f*cking up black America are niggas". Now here's where it gets tricky. When white people call us "nigger", the words associated with the term are "lazy, black, dumb, poor"....nigger! Yet, when black people call other black people "nigga", the words associated with the term are, "lazy, ghetto, dumb, trifling, dangerous".....nigga! Hmmm, not so different huh? Well, in 2007, not only are black people still trying to prove they aren't "niggers" to white people, more and more, they are trying to prove they aren't "niggas" to other black people, which has created a brand new "nigga". It's created what I like to call, the American anti-nigga.

I know you're wondering, what exactly is the American anti-nigga. Well, it's simple. An anti-nigga is a black person who has gone out of their way to distinguish themselves from those people America deems as "niggers" or "niggas". The distinctions can be seen through education, dress, economics, social status, zip code, etc. I know you may be thinking, "what black person doesn't do that on some level." And you're right. Just by being the kind of people we want to be, we create distinctions between ourselves, and the kind of people we don't want to be. However, with anti-niggas, there's more to it. Anti-niggas distinguish themselves not only by who they embrace, but who they don't. For instance, whereas people we tend to call "wannabes" or "oreos" embrace whiteness, anti-niggas actually embrace blackness. They just shun what they consider niggas and nigga-isms. Take hip hop for example. An anti-nigga may be a true hip hop head, but the portion of the culture they embrace will be a very specific portion they deem "acceptable". See, anti-niggas have an elevated sense of what their brand of blackness is. And in their eyes, that brand of blackness is specific to a small group of black people, and is in no way inclusive to black people they view as niggas.

As a kid, I grew up across the street from an anti-nigga. She was actually really nice to me, which makes perfect sense now. She was nice to my family and I because (drumroll).....she didn't consider us "niggas". So she'd bake us cookies. She'd get our mail when we were out of town. And sometimes when my parents were working, we'd even stay over her house for a few hours. All in all, she was a great neighbor. But out of all that kindness, what I remember most about her is, she HATED niggas. This lady used to drive like a half an hour to this white supermarket when there were literally two brand new supermarkets within blocks of our house. According to her, "too many niggas be up there", which happens to be a very anti-nigga thing to say. I also remember how she used to favor me over some of my friends on the block. We'd all be out there playing in front of the house, and she'd call me over. "Hey sweetie, tell them little niggas to quit throwing that ball in front of my house." Out of everybody who lived on our block, I think she only found five families "acceptable". Everyone else were "them niggas". Mind you, as a kid, I grew up around the word "nigga", so that part was nothing new. Heard it all the time. But even as a child, I could always tell the difference in the connotation of the word, some people meaning "us niggas", and other people meaning "them niggas". "Them niggas" always stung. It felt like self-racism, or self hate on a whole other level. And that terminology was also a dead give away for an anti-nigga. But over the years, I've also noticed the words have changed. Instead of "them niggas", anti-niggas publicly say things like, "ghetto" or "your people". The words have changed, but the elitist tone in their voices remains the same.

"I love niggas, I love niggas, I love niggas, because niggas are me" - Umar Bin Hassan

To be honest, I actually know a lot of anti-niggas. Some feel their rebellious political stance makes them the best of black folk. I call these people revolutionary anti-niggas. Others hang their elitism on money or education. I call these people bougie anti-niggas. Some think the side of town they were born on makes them better, I call them territorial anti-niggas. While many just believe they are fundmentally better than other black people for no other reason than, they just are. No matter what you call them, what connects them is their belief that certain black people are niggas, and for whatever reason, they aren't. That's a belief I can't help but to consider fundamentally wrong. Yes, there are problems with black people. A lot of problems. But they are OUR problems. All of ours. The same way we all can claim the positive things black people do, we ALL must accept and claim the negative things black people do. And instead of drawing a line in the sand that says, these people who are uneducated, ignorant, poor, who committ crimes, are niggas-- we must say, these people represent the potential to be as great as the greatest black person. So let's help them become that instead of writing them off! To all you anti-niggas out there, I have a better name for you. Try, anti-black. Anti-love. Anti-humanity. No matter how great you think you are, the same ignorance you use to label your own people as niggas, will undoubltedly be used against you by some other race, to label you the EXACT SAME THING! One luv.

hip hop is dead: esco killed it

"I killed it, you killed it, we all killed it." - Nas

Every time I hear the phrase, "hip hop is dead", what I really hear is, "i killed hip hop". It's the kind of dazed wording a psycopath would use after killing a room full of people. He wouldn't stumble out of the room with blood on his hands and say "i did it". Instead, he'd be dazed, confused, mumbling, "they're all dead". And that's exactly what our beloved lyricist from Queens Bridge is doing by naming his latest album "Hip Hop Is Dead...The N". It's not just an analysis of the culture, it's a confessional of sorts. No, Nas alone didn't kill hip hop, he had plenty of help. Consider the likes of Jay-Z, P. Diddy, Suge Knight, 50 Cent, Jimmy Iovine, Hype Williams, beef, r&b samples, clothing lines, ghost writers, video vixens, and Madison Avenue--there are plenty of others equally as guilty who won't be professing their guilt any time soon. The truth is, for years hip hop culture has been compromised. The artistry has taken a back seat to marketing the sensational--east coast/west coast feuds and despicable displays of capitalism. Meanwhile women and the preservation of life have continued to be devalued on a street level. Hip hop isn't even rebellious youth culture anymore. It's what grown ass millionaires use as an excuse to be gaudy. Welcome to the hustle n' no flow era of the culture. Today's hip hoppers still rep where they're from, but they are far more divided by age beefs than geography. (30 plus vs. under 30, or those old enough to remember hip hop before the blinging started, and those who aren't) Staring at it all is the 33 year old rap phenomenon Nas. Now that he's parted his lips to mumble hip hop is dead, will those same parted lips give us another classic album to stimulate the rebirth of the culture?

"Yeah, Hip-Hop. The sh*t was exciting. But it ain't the ghetto secret no more. Kids everywhere know it. And that's what we want - we want it to be heard. But now it's really corny. And I still love hip-hop, but it's like, the way the game is now, it's like, f*ck rap, get money. I don't think nobody cares about respect as an artist, because at the end of the day, everybody is just chasing the paper. So f*ck it." - Nas (xxl magazine interview)

If Illmatic was a climactic moment in hip hop, then It Was Written was the beginning of the end. Don't get me wrong, the growth of Nas's pen on his second album was crazy. The flow style was more complex, the lyricism was elevated, and the concepts were definitely a notch above Illmatic. The problem is, hip hop had changed. Illmatic was dope and didn't do numbers. By '96, doing numbers meant r&b samples, a famous r&b singer on your hook, a street alias name, and rampant materialism in the lyrics. Nas, like Big and Pac during the same era, went there whole heartedly and found fame and success. Nasty Nas quickly became Esco or Escobar, miming the ruthless Colombian drug czar Pablo Escobar. But the problem is not so much what this new turn in hip hop did to Nas, because Nas was able to go to that place while maintaining a high level of creativity in his art. The problem is what it did to an entire generation of future rappers. The advent of rappers as these big street millionaires involved in illegal dealings killed the notion of the street poet from around the way. Personas were now primary, and skills were secondary. Backpackers did their part to fight this notion, but lost. With magazines, videos, and television projecting these images to the masses, it's really easy to see how the Frank White's and Esco's of '96, gave birth to the crack rap of today. No wonder Esco is feeling guilty.

"I feel like a black militant taking over the government / can't turn my back on the hood too much love for 'em" - Nas (taken from from the song "Black Republicans" off the "Hip Hop Is Dead...The N" album)

When Tupac was alive, he was the most polarizing person in hip hop. You either loved him or hated him, no in between. Today, I think Nas occupies that space. Ever since he claimed hip hop is dead, a new pissed off Southern rapper has been sounding off each week. Many are taking Nas's declaration as an East Coast diss to the South for rising to the top of the rap game. While other Nas haters include young rappers who consider the QB emcee too old and in need of a retirement. Then there are the choruses of "Nas lost" that echo across the internet because of Nas's decision to work with the man who once slept with his baby's mother. How does Nas bark back-- by continuing to repent his sins. The way Nas says he's sorry for the commercial sound and drug selling lyrics in the Esco era is by releasing a very personal underground sounding double album like "Street's Disciple", which much like Illmatic, was critically praised, despite limited record sales. The way Nas says he's sorry for posing for hip hop fashion ads in the mid 90's is by his refusal to do any advertising what so ever today. And the way Nas says he's sorry for all the wack beef records that "Ether" influenced, is by deading his personal beef with Jay-Z and signing at Def Jam in the name of unity. But for all of Nas's nobleness, and attempts to rectify his wrongs, there's only one way he'll ever be able to forgive himself for his part in hip hop's death--by delivering another classic album.

On December 19th, "Hip Hop Is Dead...The N" will provide us with a ton of answers. We'll learn whether over 30 emcees will be relevant in 2006 and beyond. We'll learn if this album feels like a hip hop version of Revelations, or Genesis. And we'll learn if Nas is still lyrically capable of carrying an album that presumably features the top producers in the game. The countdown has begun. Nas may have had his part in killing hip hop, but he's also been one of the few bright spots to rest our hopes for the culture on. So Esco, there's no need to feel guilty anymore kid, it's okay. We forgive you.

60 Things That Killed Hip Hop:

A&R's
mic ratings
beef
black on black crime
mtv cribs
big name video directors
cristal
rolls royce
size 4XL white tee shirts
guns
the "i don't write my rhymes down" myth
video vixens
tell all books
r&b samples & hooks
car detailing
platinum plaques
weed
scarface the movie
corn rows
keeping it real
hot 97 FM
drug dealers
napster
madison avenue
moguls
the ipod
ghost writers
name dropping
studio gangstas
alias names
representing record labels
radio singles
release dates
rapper endorsed clothing lines
the forbes money list
the 40 o.z.
ring tones
double albums
super head
wendy williams
the red carpet
gang banging
the n-word
high school drop outs
the hood
suburban america
radio
dj's
superstar producers
diamonds
guest appearances
sagging
throw back jerseys
tatoos
egos
pro tools
myspace.com
mp3's
wack concerts
the sound man
sell outs
biting
seven album record contracts
no publishing
breakups
album leaks
playa haters
stans
BET uncut
and finally
money

moment of silence

1941 - 2006



1966 - 2006

We'll miss you Ed, you too Gerald.

VOTE NO ON PROPOSAL 2!

catch 22

they catch ya if ya
shooting the shit
or shooting pain in your wrist
they even catch ya if ya shoot and ya miss
but if ya shoot and ya hit
someone black like a pac or a chris
they’ll all sit
while the hands on the clock all twist
they catch actors
for tax evasion and hip hoppers with guns
cuties with ganja
look they even caught martha
insane
they’ll catch ya in the white house getting brain
from head doctors
but they still can’t catch the tower droppers
it’s dumb
to think amerikkka’s dumb
they run the country through fetch
throwing diseases that we all gone catch
these are my theories
they’re not far fetched
they’re far Left, far from Right but not wrong
they want us black not strong
they’d rather catch us in a crack house blown
or spinning chrome in a lac
long as it means another lien on our home
i bleed in my poems
the blood of generations in litigation
state cases
then off to overcrowded state places
what do ya do
silence ensures ya will lose
speak out
they medgar evars ya
you’ll die with no clues
that there’s a catch 22
i’m on the run in an emmit smith jersey
try and catch 22

decipher my logic (freestyle)

who's the mystic
my life is all spit i'm liquid
lougies of life harked from my throat
prolific
meditate eight hours straight
it's so holistic
glow in the dark
sorry you too slow you missed it
my bravery
Nat Turner'd slavery
Gil-Scott and Umar's DNA in me
a king's reflection
lives in my mirror it's clearer
with each breath i breathe out
death comes nearer
call me sushi
i'm yellow tail raw no hooptie
imported whips, wine marinates my lips
nationally known
flown to the mics we bless
speakers blown
we blow till the mics compress
jedi knight
mysteriously led by right
euthanized wrong by penning poems on red eye flights
pheromones strong
tribal i don't need cologne
magnetic aurora
ladies think i'm leading'em on
sugar free
zero estrogen in me
achilles hill covered by a suede Timberland tree
rooted in pain
the block is hot who do you blame
the guns that aim
or governments who fund the game
i flicker the flame
with slicker nouns i'm licking the verbs
the sicker i roll
the quicker i'm inflaming the herbs
the bombest chronic is a dope cat exhaling his words
the weakest shit is poets selling crack instead of their words
decipher my logic
nah, i ain't trying to get brolic
but either man up or step your ass out of the closet
a crystal sphere
i rub it til the future's clear
look at me now, it's obvious the truth is here.....

eternal (2pac: 1996 - forever)

"I'm gonna be so far from where i am right now in four years...........god willing i'm alive." - 2pac (august 96')

Numb was the feeling. It felt dark and silent. It stung so bad our under developed emotions couldn't quite deal with it, so we just sat there. Me and a couple of the fellas. Drinking and drifting off, deep into space. The only voice in the room, 2Pac's. Every so often, the music would get turned down as we watched another news flash. Same heartbreaking news, just on a different channel. "Famed rapper, Tupac Shakur, dead at twenty five." Then Pac would speak again. "Will I survive until the morning to see the sun/ lord forgive me for my sins / cause here i come." Songs we had listened to a thousand times over, were being HEARD for the first time. And felt in a way they had never been felt before. The weight of those lyrics seemed to sit on our backs, cutting off all circulation, simply adding to the numbness.

We'd still be numb when the video for "I Ain't Mad At Ya" debuted a few days later. The video depicted the late rapper being shot, dying in an ambulance, and going to heaven. Ironic? Indeed. Then the rumors began to circulate about 2pac being alive. I remember this kid from Florida telling us the theory in such a compelling tone, that we were all sitting around smiling like, "could it be"? He theorized Pac survived the shooting, and for his safety, was snuck out of the hospital, pronounced dead, and put on a plane heading out of the country. I think he mentioned Cuba or something. Looking back it all sounds pretty far fetched, but at the time, we WANTED to believe, so we did.

"Remember me as an outcast, outlaw / another album out, that's what i'm about more / getting more to the day i see my casket bury me a G / while the whole world remembers me / until the end of time" - 2pac

I also remember when the Makaveli album dropped. The first words on the album were "Suge Shot Me", whispered in a voice that sounded like Pac's. Then on the song "Hold Your Held", there was a cryptic message hidden in the song. Twelve seconds in you hear Pac whisper, "Look and see me". Another voice whispers, "I see you". Then Pac whispers back, "I'm Alive". Add in the fact that Makaveli was based off of Machiavelli, a political theorist who advocated faking one's death to fool his enemies and, well, let's just say those alive theories began to seem very real. There were also number theories that revolved around the number seven. For instance, Pac was shot on the 6th, and died 7 days later on the 13th. Pac was 25 when he died, 2+5 = 7. Pac died at 4:03 p.m. 4+3=7. There were tons of them, and well, at the time, we ate it all up.

It's weird. When most people die, you see them one last time, and you never see them again. Not 2pac. Not only did two videos featuring 2pac drop for the Makaveli album, but in 1997, he seemed to be everywhere. As a person whose relationship with Pac was only through music and the tv screen, it really was as if dude was NOT dead. Two movies starring 2pac made their way to the big screen, Gang Related, and Gridlock'd. And both movies were accompanied by a soundtrack that also featured 2pac. To top it off, later that year his mother released a double album of lost songs titled "R U Still Down". Then the bootlegs began to surface. First it was Makaveli 2. Then what seems like endless volumes of 2pac material began to surface on the streets in every city. I read somewhere that all those bootleg albums unofficially sold around 20 million copies. According to Afeni Shakur, Pac left well over 250 unreleased songs, so suddenly it became apparent to me and everyone who loved Pac. He wasn't going anywhere anytime soon.

In subsequent years came more albums, picture books, dvd's, poetry books, live concert footage, and interview cd's. There were tee shirts, wax portraits, and murals. Even a couple of unreleased videos popped up. It was as if every time you thought 2pac was gone, he kept fighting to live. And he keeps winning that fight. 2pac is the best selling hip hop artist of all time, with well over 35 million record sales and counting. Mind you, he's released more music in his death than he ever did in life. A full length documentary about his life, appropriately titled Ressurection, was nominated for an Oscar. And in Stone Mountain, Ga., the Tupac Amaru Center for The Arts sits on a 3 and a half acre plot, giving interested children a chance to participate in the arts. A lifesize bronze statue of 2pac stands in front of it, greeting all who enter.. So what does it all mean?

It means 2pac was more than a man. And far more than a rapper. Tupac was an idea, and ideas don't die. Although 2pac was only famous for five years, the impact he left on the world is immeasurable. As a flesh and blood anti-hero, muscular with wild eyes and flashes of brilliance, 2pac wooed us all. He eloquently represented our most menacing nightmare, and our fondest dream. He was all things, to all people. But mostly, he was beautifully flawed, like all of us. That human element is what made him this universally loved figure. He spoke to our pain, our insecurities, and our hunger to be rich, and powerful, and fight back. He spoke to ideals like unconditional love, loyalty, and honesty. The rebel we all wanted to be, he became, and continues to become. Ten years later, and I'm not numb anymore. But not a day goes by that I don't feel like I was robbed, of something irreplaceable. The reason I write, is because of 2pac. The sheer amount of work he created in his short life is simply remarkable, and continues to inspire me. After he died, I could no longer wait for him to say what needed to be said. He put the pen in my hand, and basically said it's my turn to say it. So each day, I keep trying. And each day, millions of others use 2pac's legacy as a reason to keep trying as well. Look around, it's pretty obvious. Tupac Lives! One luv.

PERSONAL PAC FAVORITES

ALBUMS - "ME Against The World" & "Makaveli"

SONGS - "Death Around The Corner", "Who Do You Believe In", "Pain", "So Many Tears", "High Til I Die", "Point The Finger", "Ambitionz Of A Rider", "White Man's World", "Staring At My Rearview", "Words Of Wisdom", "Thug Style", "What's Next", "High Speed", "R U Still Down"

VIDEOS - "I Get Around", "California Love", "Strictly For My Niggaz"

QUOTES - "I didn't invent Thug Life, I diagnosed it" - 2pac, "Why lie when I can dramatize" - 2pac

MOVIES - "Ressurection", "Juice", "Gang Related"

DVD's - "Live At The House Of Blues", "Tupac Vs.", "2pac 4Ever, "Ressurection"

BOOKS - "Ressurection", "Got Your Back, "Tupac Shakur: From The Editors of Vibe"

POEMS - "The Mutual Heartbreak"

straight from the horse's mouth

It's been years since we've seen them in the same video and there are no plans for them to perform together in the near or distant future, yet the members of Outkast maintain that they are not broken up. Andre 3000 took it upon himself to clear up the rumors, phoning in to MTV News on Tuesday night to dispel the demise of the group.

"We want to keep it on the low so expectations won't be a certain way. But we're still doing music." — Outkast's Andre 3000

"Yesterday I got a phone call from Big Boi and he said that on some hip-hop Web sites that the headlines were reading something to the effect of, 'It's Official: Outkast Is Broken Up,' or something like that," Andre said. "And man, we're looking at it like, where is this sh-- coming from? I was on 'TRL' today to release a new video, and I meant to say something [about the situation] on the air. But the way they had the questions set up, I didn't have a chance to do it."

Andre says that the rumors are not just on the Internet, but very much in the streets.

"N---as hit me in the street like, 'Yeah man, I heard the bad news. Sorry to hear about that,' " Andre continued. "I'm like 'Man, what are you talking about?' Everything is still tight, most definitely."

Fueling the rumors of the 'Kast's separation have been the fact that both Dre and Big are appearing in separate videos for two solo songs ("Idlewild Blues" and "Morris Brown," respectively) to promote their upcoming film and video instead of releasing visuals for the cut "Mighty O," which features both of their raps (see "Missing Outkast? They've Already Lined Up Three 'Idlewild' Singles"). Dre blames that on not being able to find the right way to present "Mighty O" in a timely fashion.

"Really, we were supposed to shoot the 'Mighty O' video, but we were shuffling around with too many treatments and it got too late," 3000 explained. "The record company and film company felt that it was probably better off to help sell the movie to go with these songs ["Idlewild Blues" and "Morris Brown."]. But originally we were supposed to come out with just one single."

In addition to the hailstorm of Internet rumors, there was a May feature story in Entertainment Weekly that painted the twosome going in separate directions musically and personally. More recently, some radio shows and news outlets started to report that Outkast had turned down an invitation to be on "The Oprah Winfrey Show" because the group could not match up schedules.

"Really man, this album, it's been a whole bunch of crazy rumors. [One said] we turned Oprah down and all this type of stuff which was totally not true," Dre added, audibly registering his disappointment in the falsehoods that have been spread.

"We went to Oprah because we were pumping this 'Idlewild' film and soundtrack. They sent her a copy of the movie. But the [film's] release dates kept being pushed back and Oprah's show is dormant during the summertime, so there was no chance for us to do it. Next thing we see on the Internet is, 'Outkast turns down Oprah.' They make it seem like we're jumping on the bandwagon with 50 Cent and Ludacris and some people boycotting, which is totally not the case' " (see "Oprah Says She Doesn't Have Beef With Hip-Hop ").

Despite Mr. 3000's public affirmation that he remains a part of the legendary duo, he says there are still no plans for Outkast to tour or even perform one song together live.

"But that's not even new news," he said of his lack of interest in performing live. All that has been going on for years. ... Big Boi knows I'm in no position to be thinking about hitting the stage. ... I'm just more focused on producing and writing like I been doing and staying in the studio."

So what is Dre coming up with in the studio? Could it be material for a traditional studio album from Outkast?

"We're holding it under wraps," is all he would say. "We want to keep it on the low so expectations won't be a certain way. But we're still doing music."

Dre and Big are trying to decide what the next single from the "Idlewild" soundtrack will be, but they are leaning toward a song called "Hollywood Divorce" which features Snoop Dogg and Lil Wayne. Dre says if they do choose that track, you'll see him along with Big in the video.

things fall together

THE BAD NEWS: "Game Theory", The Roots highly anticipated first release on Def Jam Records was leaked to the internet a month and a half before it hits stores. THE GOOD NEWS: It's the best album the group has released in years!

Let me start by saying, I'm not an OKAYPLAYER, so consider this an unbiased opinion. Don't get me wrong, I always liked The Roots. Their first three albums were beautiful moments in hip hop. No, those albums weren't political, controversial, or extremely conceptual, but they were solid as hell. Good music, nice flows, you know, solid. I even consider "Things Fall Apart" more than solid, to me it's an undeniable classic. What happened to The Roots after that, well, that's where it gets weird. Hip hop is one of the few genres of music where, the better people get at it, the more they feel a need to get away from it, or to somehow extend its boundaries. (Or maybe it's the more people evolve as musicians and people, the more they get bored with hip hop, see Andre 3000). The Roots are no different. "Phrenology" and "Tipping Point" were two albums that could be labeled "experimental", or "wack", depending on who you talk to. For me it felt more like they were being defiant. As if to say, "we know yall want that boom bap sh*t, but allow us to be artists while we give yall this other sh*t." So we waited. Well, actually, I didn't. I kind of wrote The Roots off as dope live performers who COULD create something good if they wanted to, but chose not to. I stuck a fork in'em and moved on.

Then something happened. Unlike some, I'm not gonna give the credit to being on Def Jam, or being under Jay-Z for that matter. I give the credit to hip hop. Hip hop demanded a return to greatness by The Roots. Hip hop always demands that of a worthy few. Hip Hop demanded Rakim to come back in the late 90's. Hip hop demanded Nas to return to defend his throne in the new millennium. And yes, hip hop demanded The Roots to be more than Jay-Z's back up band of choice, so The Roots got real. And Black Thought got real like I've never seen him. I think Black Thought is dope. My problem with him has always been, he busts a rhyme, you nod your head, and you smile with approval. But one minute after he's done rapping, you have no idea what he was talking about, even though it sounded so good. Why? Maybe because he hardly ever writes rhymes to a tight knit concept, "What They Do" being one of those rare times. Or maybe because The Roots don't rely on memorable hooks as much as they do melodies. Whatever the case, this song writing deficiency has left Black Thought an after thought when people mention their top emcees, even though he's unmistakably ill with his. Well, on the new album, Black Thought is flexing a pen that just might shut all of his naysayers up. And the return of Malik B. seems to be that secret intangible that makes this Roots records, a true return to their glorious past.

"Game Theory" is appropriately dark. No, it doesn't make you want to cut your wrist. But it's somber in a way that begs you to sit back and think. It's the hip hop album you'd expect from Kurt Cobain. Not quite straight forward hip hop, but not so far from the essence that you can't just sit back and nod to it, and relate to it. Stand out cuts include "Game Theory", "In The Music", "Long Time", "Clocks With No Hand", and "Don't Feel Right", which previously didn't feel right to me, feels better in the context of the album. The Roots are older, and this music definitely feels older and more mature. I applaud them for stepping out of their box, without stepping away from hip hop to make this album. I hate using the classic word, but off a few listens, yeah, I think it has all the ingredients of a classic, but time and the fans will ultimately tell. Although this album is leaked, do cop your official copy from stores when it's finally released. Hip hop is good for demanding greatness, and terrible for supporting the more creative side of the genre. So definitely support. As for The Roots, I guess they are living proof that sometimes things have to fall apart, before they can fall back together. Peace.

double standards

After years of rumors surrounding steroid use, Marion Jones is back to her winning ways.

Marion Jones, Barry Bonds, and Lance Armstrong all have something in common. All are/were considered the top athlete in their sport. All have also been plagued by rumors of steroid use. Although none of the three have tested positive for steroid use, they have all been hounded by rumors, and first person accounts from people who used to be in their inner circle, so-called "ex-friends", who claim they did indeed use steroids. Yet, where as Marion Jones and Barry Bonds have been villified in the media, Lance Armstrong has been celebrated. Just last week, he won yet another "Best Male Athlete of The Year" honor from ESPN. Jones, whose performance started to slip after the birth of her son in '03, had been banned from certain meets on the European circuit because of the speculation. And Bonds, for all of his home run hittng ways, continues to be the target of a federal investigation of steroids in baseball. Even though the steroids issue has to be bigger than one player, all the attention lies soley on Bonds.

QUESTION 4 THE DAY Is this simply an example of racism in its highest form? Or, is there a better explaination for the disparity? You tell me!

today

today
by hardCore

you were there this morning
staring through my window
bright round and yellow
ready to burn yesterday's bad memories from my eyes

i slept under your warm smile
adjacent with death
cocooned in last night's dream
about past life's love

flashes of
ocean
a forgotten island
tribal drums
a sea serpent
mountains
thick forest
rain
and yes

her

all so tangible
before me

a thousand haikus
tatooed on the inside of my eyelids
begging to be forgotten
less quickly than i usually forget

i only remember the god speed rhythm
past the voices
and familiar faces
fighting demons
to join angels
who left me
one

with the blowing wind
that tips over the vase
breaks my sleep
jump starts my heart
and opens my eyes

to you

word of the day: karma

*sound of Shaq's evil laughter echoing across the hillside*

"boycott sal's!"

All you blue chip high school athletes starting with the class of 2007, listen up. I'm calling for an all out boycott of Division-1 universities by all black athletes. Why? Because for far too long, our college athletes have been exploited, and unfairly compensated for all they bring to the NCAA. Instead of taking those four year scholarships to prestigious white universities, I think it's time to set a precedent, by being the first class of blue chippers to choose historically black universities across the board.

What do you get by performing at the highest level for a big time athletic program?

An all paid four year scholarship. Mind you, your athletic requirements to keep that scholarship will severely cut into the time it takes to truly be a student-athlete. And although coaches bend over backwards to keep the failing athlete passing, nobody bends over backwards to make sure the B athlete makes A's. Oh yeah, you'll get the glitz and glamour of seeing your face on tv, and maybe even on video games. The papers and magazines will write about you, Sports Center will show your highlights, and you may win some big award. All which will come as a great benefit to you when you realize you don't have a suit for the award ceremony, because every time you go to the ATM for a withdrawal, it keeps saying insufficient funds. The fact remains, unless you are one of the few fortunate ones, chances are, when you finally leave college, even if you leave with your degree, you'll leave broke, in search of a way to feed yourself. Yes my friends, this is the thanks you get for your all the money you made your university.

What does a prestigious white university get by you performing at the highest level on the field?

Millions in ticket sales, merchandise, television deals, and licensing. Your coach gets a hefty salary, a shoe deal, and immediate consideration for the next big job on the college or pro level. The univerisity also continues to brand itself by using your name and accomplishments to seduce the next blue chip athlete into their web of deception. And when you finally leave college with your degree, you will leave a university that has built athletic facilities, lecture halls, and purchased planes, with all the money YOU generated during your time there.



( Ty Willingham, unjustly fired by Notre Dame after the third year of his five year contract, despite a ten win season and a trip to the Gator Bowl )

So class of '07, '08, '09, '10, you're probably wondering, what's the alternative?

The alternative is simple, black institutions of higher education. If all the best athletes started to choose HBCU's, suddenly you'd see HBCU's in the Final Four, in the Fiesta Bowl, in the College World Series. This would generate a huge amount of revenue for schools, many of which are barely able to keep their doors open. It would make the black coach a significant part of the college athletic experience. And where the best athletes go, so will the television dollars, the licensing money, and the shoe deals. Imagine Grambling St. being a bigger football power than USC, on a consistent basis. The more big name black athletes choose HBCU's, the quicker you'll see marginal talent representing what used to be athletic powerhouses. Suddenly the Big 10 wouldn't mean anything, and the SWAC would mean everything. On an academic level, all the new revenue would help grow HBCU's into huge institutions that are every bit as big and nice as the state universities are today. The growth in these schools would create jobs for black professors, and black administration. That's how powerful you are as today's college athlete.

How long does the boycott last?

In theory, it should never end. Why not make our institutions rich with the very best instead of spreading our most talented thinly across institutions that don't have our best interest in mind. But this is a boycott, so I guess it would be okay to end it if certain terms were met.

1) Athletes should be paid a scale wage, and they should receive bonuses based on the amount of revenue they generate through the success of their particular sports team.

2) In cases of all merchandise that feature a particular player's name and/or number, the said athlete should receive no less that 50% of the total sales.

3) Thirty percent of the overall shoe deal done with universities should be put in a trust fund, and held for athletes pending their graduation date.

4) A Diversity Council should be put in place to ensure fair hiring practices of not only black administrators, but also black coaches.

5) A percentage of all of the annual money netted by the athletic department should be donated to inner city schools.

6) The age ban on entering all professional ranks should be lifted.

7 A Vocational Program should be set up to help former college athletes who don't make it to the professional ranks, find jobs.

When and if all these demands are met, the black athlete would make a return to what we currently refer to as big time college athletics. But before we can get to that point, we must address the point we're at right now. And right now, black athletes are being exploited. So before you sign your letter of intention, think twice black athlete. Ask your friends to think twice. It's finally time we consider what's right for us as a whole, rather than always doing what's best for us as individuals. Too many of yesterday's big time college stars, have ended up broke, on the street, with nothing but memories. One luv.

10 questions

10) Does Billie Holiday's life fortell how the Whitney Houston story will end?

9) Why would the Root's name their new single "Don't Feel Right".........when it doesn't?

8) How come you always hear a huge buzz surrounding women who pose for Playboy, but you never hear anything about them afterwards?

7) If all the rappers are making drug dealer music, who's going to make something creative or something regular folks can relate to?

6) If you slid a white sheet over Bill Cosby's head, would it make him sound any more uninformed than he already does?

5) Is there a correlation between a black man cutting his mustache and rumors about his sexuality?



4) Wouldn't shooting yourself in the head be a lot better than joining up with these fools?

3) Isn't it hard to believe that back in the day this lady was actually a very pretty woman?

2) If Bonds and other hitters did use steroids, did they really have an advantage if the pitchers were using illegal substances as well?

1) Will "Hip Hop Is Dead" be proof that hip hop actually isn't?