"soft peter"

"The Matrix is everywhere. It is all around us. Even now, in this very room. You can see it when you look out your window or when you turn on your television. You can feel it when you go to work... when you go to church... when you pay your taxes. It is the world that has been pulled over your eyes to blind you from the truth." - morpheus

I was talking to my old man recently about his Army years. He was a member of the 82nd Airborne division at Fort Bragg during the Vietnam war. In fact, he had orders to go to Vietnam. But a drunken driver broad-sided him in a pretty serious collision less than 48 hours before he shipped out; leaving him with a broken collar bone and concussion, ultimately keeping him out of the war. He fulfilled his two year commitment to the Army by jumping out of airplanes and training, you know, life on an Army base. Recently when he was reminiscing on those days, he shared something with me I had never heard before. He was telling me about how they'd start each day with 5 mile runs in Army boots. Then they'd eat. They'd do field drills. Then they'd eat. They'd run some more, do more drills, man their posts, etc. Then they'd eat. A barrack full of testosterone driven men, outside of a few skirmishes, getting along pretty well and sleeping in close proximity of each other every night, with no problems? What's wrong with this picture? My old man said, it was pretty common knowledge that every time they ate, something was being slipped into their food. Most thought it was being put into the potatoes since potatoes were served at every meal. It was a little substance the soldiers referred to as "soft peter". Let's just say, "soft peter" kept their nature down. No sexual frustration meant fewer fights. And most importantly, it meant the barracks that houses all those men at night, felt more like a male dorm, than a prison block.

This got me to thinking. If this is a common practice of the Army, what kind of "soft peter" is the government slipping to the masses? No, I'm not implying they are literally putting something in our food (i'm also not saying they aren't). But maybe instead of trying to keep our nature down, they have a vested interest in keeping our anger repressed. Think about your family and friends. There is a war going on RIGHT NOW. How often do you hear them complain about it, or even talk about it for that matter? Now, on the flip side. How often do you hear them talk about their favorite tv show? The finale of American Idol? Their favorite sports team? Or what they bought on sale at the mall? People, we are being distracted. We're being fed a daily dose of "soft peter" in the form of television entertainment and news half truths. American culture has allowed a handful of people to enjoy a manufactured existence called fame and celebrity. That carrot is dangled in front of us every day, slowly hypnotizing us into living vicariously through people whose lifestyles, for all sense and purposes aren't even real. And the allure is so strong, that most people would much rather tune into Entertainment Tonight, than the evening world news report. Why? Out of sight, out of mind. Which makes me think, maybe it's time we start taking a closer look at what's really going on.



"Either war is obsolete or men are." - R. Buckminster Fuller

War is brutally ugly. It's mere presence is so startling, that even if it forces you to look away, it begs an emotional response, an investment of thought. So far 4,000 U.S. men and women have died in Iraq. And that's doesn't even count those who died in Afghanistan. But that's only part of the story my friend. Soldiers from other nations, who are apart of the Iraqi Coalition have died there too. So have Iraqi soldiers, along with innocent men, women, and children. But every day, our news outlets give our ugly war a makeover. Instead of amputees and body bags, we see images of healthy soldiers or a president sitting behind a desk talking about "progress". We see the story about the healthy soldier reuniting with his family in a nearby airport. But we never see the guy who lost his legs, in that moment when his family sees him for the first time. And we never see the guy with the nervous twitch who has the bad nightmares, whose family feels like they don't know him anymore, and aren't safe around him. Sure, we know how much money the war has cost America. But we'll never be able to measure how much it's damaged the reputation of our country, or the lives of families on both sides of the Atlantic ocean. Even sadder, so few of us have seen the ugly side of this current war, that although the war has been going on for five plus years, most of us have yet to make a sizeable emotional or intellectual investment. Well my friends, it's time we do.

Something is in our food. It's in our music. It's in our television programs. It was put there by our government to dupe us. To keep us distracted and passive. Everything from Britney Spears on the front of grocery aisle magazines to 50 Cent and his latest beef rants. Even the gas prices and fading economy are designed to make our living experience so arduous, that we'll choose to escape that reality, any time we can. And thoughts about the government, and unjust wars, will be pushed into places so far in the back of our minds, that they will cease to no longer matter. My advice. Stop eating what they're feeding you so willingly. Digest something different. Something real. With any luck, your numbed senses will become acute again. And when they do, you'll start to see and experience the world, free from the affects of "soft peter". Then you'll get mad. Mad enough to organize. Mad enough to demand a change. Maybe even mad enough to strategically create a resistance to force a change. Now that's the kind of world I want to live in. One luv.

dating: the survival game

“At such moments, you realize that you and the other are, in fact, one. It's a big realization. Survival is the second law of life. The first is that we are all one.” - Joseph Campbell

Dating is a dirty dirty game. I'm not saying you'll need to develop super powers to make it, but make no mistake, it's rough out there and survival is key. And survival means having a survival code. Below are my rules that help me survive the game, where the getters get, and the naive get got. Enjoy.

(by the way, these rules were written from a male's perspective, but for the most part, they hold true for women as well)

1. EVERYBODY HAS SOMEBODY.

No one is truly alone. Everyone has someone in their life. Sometimes it's not the person they want in their life, but everyone has someone. Upon meeting someone new, ask them if they have a boyfriend/girlfriend, and they'll most likely tell you, no; which may be true. But it doesn't mean they don't have "somebody". Maybe it's somebody they are trying to get rid of. Maybe it's somebody they can call when they want to go out for a movie or dinner. Maybe it's the booty call somebody, or the friends with benefits somebody. Or maybe it's somebody they're trying to get, or somebody trying to get them. Just remember, just because someone says they are single, and is spending time with you, never think you're the only one, because everybody has somebody.


2. THAT "FRIEND" AIN'T JUST A FRIEND

Is there such thing as a platonic friend? Yes, I have a few. However, most women (and some guys) DON'T. What most women call "friends", are exes, or homie/lover/friends. It's without fail. If he's calling and texting early in the morning, or late at night, that's not a friend, that's a "friend". You know, the one she meets for breakfast or lunch all the time, that guy she has an emotional reaction to when he calls like, "geez, what does he want?". She'll never in a hundred years admit to it. But they have been together. Therefore, always protect your feelings. When dating someone, assume that friend that is closer than close, has truly been closer than close. Long term it will protect you from being shocked, or feeling misled when the truth does surface.


3. YOUR FEELINGS COME FIRST

If you're good people, like myself, it's easy to do what good people do, put other's feelings before your own. If you feel yourself trying to get in someone else's head, wondering how they are feeling, STOP! Don't do that. That kind of stuff comes down the line once you're IN a relationship. But when you're dating, your feelings come first. If you don't like something, don't deal with it. If you train yourself to NOT listen to your likes and dislikes, you'll end up in a deep relationship with someone you didn't really want to be with in the first place.

4. PAY ATTENTION TO PATTERNS.

When you're getting to know someone, you'll notice people are very true to their patterns, when they are telling the truth. When their patterns switch up, that's when they are doing something shady. For example, I know from years of experience, when women are digging a guy, they share more information than they have to. You'll be on the phone with her, and she'll click over, then she'll click back and say..."that was just my friend Nicole". Or maybe it's, "that was just Mom". Then one day the phone will click, and she'll click back and won't say anything. Guess what, that other dude just called. Then it's "hey, let me take this call". And when she calls back, she will most certainly make no mention of that call. Yeah, that was "the other guy". How do you deal with that? Reciprocity. I'm not saying play games, I'm saying share no more information than is being shared. Click over, or even get off the phone so you can "take this call" as well. It's simple, do unto others, but don't get done by others being shady with how they do unto you.

5. BEWARE OF BUSY PEOPLE.

Busy people are cool to meet, difficult to get to know, and even harder to maintain something with. Why? Because most busy people use busy to their advantage. We all have jobs and responsibilities. We all have family and friends and try our best to manage our time and maintain those relationships. But don't fall for the okie-doke. After people establish they are a "busy" person, they tend to use busy like it's a huge curtain they can disappear behind to do who or what they really want to be doing. "Sorry I haven't hit you up in a week, I've been busy". Or how about this one, "I meant to shoot you an email, but I was too busy". The truth is, I'm a busy person too, so yeah, I know how it is to be running a thousand miles per hours in all directions. But, I also know people make time for things they really want to make time for. It takes 10 seconds to write an email or send a text message. Takes an even shorter amount of time to dial a number. So when people don't answer your emails, don't answer your texts, or don't return your phone calls because they 're busy--that's the perfect time to get busy kicking rocks. Either they are truly too busy for you (doubt it), or they are busy pursuing who they'd really rather be with. That's cool too, it's all in the game. But never get caught chasing somebody who ain't chasing you back.

6. KEEP IT REAL

There is no excuse for dating someone under false pretenses. Be bluntly honest always. "Look, I enjoy kicking it with you, but I still want to date other people". Just like that, expectations are maintained. You'd be surprised how easily it is to clear the air and prevent a bunch of drama, just by keeping it real. Unfortunately, most people NEVER keep it real. So even if you are honest enough to put it all out there, don't expect the person you're dating to do the same. A lot of people are just programmed to be sneaky--to keep a little truth for themselves. But if you choose to go that route, don't think the other person is Boo-Boo the fool. They know. They probably just don't care, or aren't speaking on it because they're doing their thing on the side too. It's all in the game I guess. But why play those games? Even after you know you like someone, that doesn't mean you ONLY like them. Embrace the process of getting to know someone, and don't invest solely into one person until you know that's what they are really trying to do with you as well.

7. STAY COOL FOOL

Your emotions are valuable, don't waste them. Don't allow yourself to be baited into silly arguments or mind f*cks. You can not blame someone for not being, or not acting like you want them to. You can only blame yourself for continuing to deal with it. So do yourself a favor, don't play this game with emotions. Keep your poker face on until you reach a much deeper point with that person where you feel like you can truly trust them. Then and only then should you think about revealing the deeper layers of you.

8. END IT THE WAY YOU STARTED IT

We put so much care and energy into how we begin situations. We go out of our way to be kind, courteous, and charismatic. We display a level of humanity that tells someone we're good people. So why do we become people who don't give a f*ck when it's time for things to end? Things happen. People make mistakes, and so do we. But the world is small, so don't burn bridges. We invite people into our lives putting our best feet forward, so don't go showing your ass when it's time to kick them to the curb. Maintain that kindness. Maintain that honesty. And be compassionate. This is a person you may never have to see again, or it may be someone you have to still see every day. Either way, the last thing you want is someone with negative energy towards you floating around in the world. When you end it on a good note, your name, stays your name. You don't have to worry about it being tarnished. Besides, there's this little thing called Karma that has a way of coming for you when you least expect it.

Aight, that's all I have for you. Use it or don't use it, that's on you. Just understand, sometimes the game is actually more checkers than chess. Sometimes the game is not about capturing "the queen" or "the king". Sometimes, the game is about survival--not about getting, more about not getting got. Navigate the board correctly, avoid the traps, and just like that, even you, a simple piece on the board, can get to be The King. One luv.

enough, kwame!

"Busted is what you see!" - Kwame Kilpatrick

Black men, black men, black men. Damn, we can't win. It's bad enough the local news starts with the whole scary black man image every night, something along the lines of; armed black male suspect at large. But lately even the NATIONAL news is leading with a "black man gone wrong" story. And no, I'm not talking about Pacman "make it rain" Jones or Michael "shoot'em in the head or drown'em" Vick. I'm not even talking about (insert rapper name here) with his umpteenth drug possession or gun charge. At least with those black men, when they make the news, even if it's surprising, it's not exactly shocking. And your rational mind can easily wrap itself around the fact that those black men may just be young and dumb. So when you walk into your neighborhood barber shop, you don't feel so bad laughing about their situations when you jokingly say, "the cornrolls made him do it!" But what about when the black man under scrutiny has no excuse? When he comes from a good family, is well educated and from a very early age, has been groomed to be, somebody. When THAT black man gets in trouble and disappoints us REPEATEDLY, over a period of years, it's a much tougher pill to swallow. And when he smugly tries to act as if he can tell us any ole thing like we're dummies, or that the office of mayor is his birth right, that's when the brothaly thing to do, is not to be a sympathizer. The brothaly thing to do is light his ass up the way we would anyone else trying to bamboozle us.

I'm all for the brotha-brotha love thing. I know how it is. We're all functionally trying to make our way out of our own dysfunction, and as a black man, no matter who you are, there tends to be a lot of dysfunction. So when outsiders try to tear us down, we should all attempt to stand up for each other, especially when we begin to rise to levels of power and notoriety. I'm not saying I condone the actions of black men who do wrong. I'm saying I accept apologies, and give people the same kind of second chances I'd hope to get if I made a some major mistakes in my life. No, it really isn't easy being a black man in America, that's why I root for my brothas; that's why I rooted for Kwame. He was elected mayor of Detroit a few years after I arrived here. At the time, I thought Detroit was a pretty damn progressive city to give a young black man the top spot. I thought it said a lot about the people here, and what kind of energy they were hoping to infuse the city with. Instead of going with candidates far older, and with more of a traditional approach, they went with the prodigy, the guy they viewed as the future of Detroit. Well, a zillion scandals later, if Kwame is the future of Detroit, what a bleek pernicious future that is. Since he's been in office, despite being responsible for a slight facelift of downtown Detroit, the majority of his stay has been one minor misstep after another, culminating in a few major ones.

Arrogance is a powerful substance. When applied in heavy enough doses, it actually has the uncanny ability to make people think their shit does not stink. And when you're in that delusional state, not only do you shit privately, you shit openly, boldly, and carelessly. Why not? If you're so convinced your shit doesn't stink, it only makes sense to think it won't stink to other people as well, right? Well, Detroit recently got another huge whiff of Kwame's shit, and let's just say, it's not as minty fresh as ole boy seemed to think it was. Yesterday Kwame Kilpatrick was indicted on 8 counts of felony charges, including perjury, obstruction of justice, and office misconduct. But none of this comes as a shot in the dark, more like a money shot in the dark. That's right, I'm referring to his textual eruptions, with his chief of staff, Christine Beaty. The same Christine Beaty he lied about sleeping with under oath, in a civil case that cost Detroit over 9 million dollars. 9 million dollars for a civil case that started with an alleged party, dead strippers, and unlawfully firing deputy chief Gary Brown. See, because I support my brotha, I can forgive my brotha. But I know my brotha knows better, because I know better. And what's obvious to me is, what's best for Detroit, is something, or somebody, who can do the job better, than my brotha.

What's next for brotha Kwame? Besides trying to stay out of prison--oh yeah, he still has to do that little thing called running the city of Detroit. How you juggle both full time boggles my mind, but our brotha is convinced he can do it. Just yesterday he smugly looked into cameras saying "I'll be exonerated 100%". Who knows, maybe he will in a court of law. But in the court of brothaly opinion, I'm done with him. I think he is guilty of not keeping it real, lying repeatedly, and continually not living up to the high personal standard we set for him. I'm not here to judge his personal life. And even with the situations he may have gotten himself into, I still rooted for him to correct those mistakes. But when you represent a city, and your image, the image of a black man, becomes THE image of the city, you owe that city and all of the people in it the highest standard of excellence. After all, you were groomed for that high standard of excellence Kwame. And when you make a mistake, you show contrition, real honest heartfelt, your grandmama just shamed you contrition. You don't blame the white media. You don't blame the suburbs. You don't blame anyone. You just own up to your part in the mistake, and keep it moving, like a real brotha should. You meet and greet people with open arms, and you go to work hard, every day. In the end, you prove community excellence outweighs missteps and personal shortcomings. That's how a real brotha would have done it; how brotha Kwame SHOULD have done it. But he didn't. So now brothas like me, who rooted for him are left with four simple heartfelt words for our brotha. Enough, brotha Kwame, enough. One luv.

welcome my man darrell to the net,

nigganalysis

the tiger years

(the Columns and Jesse Hall @ The University of Missouri-Columbia)

"one day it'll all make sense" - common

In college, I was somebody...I barely remember now. This nonchalant, too cool for school guy. His overall outlook on life is fuzzy to me, but I definitely used to be him. He wore bright white tennis shoes, kept a gold herringbone chain gripped loosely around his neck, and made sure he had the cleanest/shiniest car on campus hands down. Always waxed, Black Magic always on the tires. That kind of sh*t actually mattered to him. He was kind of quiet, never the rah-rah type, but if you got to know him, you'd be like "ole boy is cool people." And if I showed you pictures of him back then, you'd be like, "yeah man, that's you". But the truth is, nah, that's not me, that's him. See, in the twelve years since I graduated, I've changed. Not like Winter into Spring. More like night into a brand new day. In fact, I've changed so much that, although I remember most of what I did in college, I really have a hard time remembering who I was. I remember laughing a lot, but was I laughing with people, or at people? I remember being low key, but was it because I was in my own world, or because didn't care to be in your world? And for all those people I passed on the yard every day who I locked eyes with briefly without having any exchange, was it because I wasn't on their radar, or because they weren't on mine? I'll probably never know those answers. The interesting part is that I'm even asking myself these questions. Recently, for the first time in ages, I was confronted with my college days...my Tiger years. And it has me rexamining how I remember myself, as well as how others remember me.

Two weeks ago, I'm at work chillin. Phone rings. I answer. "Corey, go to this website!". Umm, hello to you too homie. It was my girl Naomi sounding like she was going to jump through my phone and type out the URL for me. I must admit, I was skeptical. University of Missouri Black Alumni website? Hmmm. In theory, it was a great idea, a place to reunite old friends and serve as a networking tool for old alums. But would people really participate and share, or would they sign up and never put any energy into growing the site? Or better yet, would it be like back in the day, everybdy all cliqued up in their own little circles, never fully embracing the opportunity to explore this small community? Surprisingly, everyone seemed to jump right in, head first.

There's something pretty cathartic about getting to say hello to people again. Or just seeing what they've become. I can honestly say I'm happy to find out what successful family and business people my classmates have become. Graduating was like turning my back on everything I've ever known and climbing a mountain in search of a better life. And finding this site was like reaching the top of that mountain only to find everything and everyone I thought I had left behind, sitting right there at the top. I guess we all chose to move in different directions, yet in our own ways, we all made it. Putting oceans between you and your past reminds you life isn't so much about the destination, but the journey. And I definitely respect my classmates journey, as well as my own. We all went through tremendous hardships, sacrifices, and loss to get here, but nonetheless, we're here. That's why I can cruise the website clean, no longer mad at anyone who ever wronged me back in the day. It's also why I can relink with those I considered friends and embrace those I never really got to know with open arms. The truth is, I'm different, and so are they. None of us can probably remember who we were back in the day, or all the trivial stuff that happened. And for many, they simply don't want to. And that's cool. Because who we are today, is all that really matters.

During my time on the website, I've smiled, laughed, and enjoyed revisiting old places that live as dusty memories in my mind. Whether it's seeing the face of an old crush who will never know I secretly liked her as much as I did, or finding out some former knucklehead is the father of three, it really is just good to see people after all this time. Reading people's comments, and listening to them share memories of me has also helped me understand something important. I might not remember who I was back in the day, but they do. And according to them, I wasn't so drastically flawed after all. By their accounts I was funny, charismatic, and brought a lot of joy into people's lives. Yeah, it feels good to have matured to the point where I can look back at myself with the wisdom of an old owl perched high above in a tree. But it also feels good to realize that even when I was young and dumb, in the quietest most insecure stage of my life, when I was making tons of mistakes--at my essence, I was good people. That's something to be proud of. I mos def like who I am today, but thanks to my alumni website, I've also learned, I got love for who I used to be as well. Funny, suddenly it all makes sense.

One luv.