"I'm gonna be so far from where i am right now in four years...........god willing i'm alive." - 2pac (august 96')
Numb was the feeling. It felt dark and silent. It stung so bad our under developed emotions couldn't quite deal with it, so we just sat there. Me and a couple of the fellas. Drinking and drifting off, deep into space. The only voice in the room, 2Pac's. Every so often, the music would get turned down as we watched another news flash. Same heartbreaking news, just on a different channel. "Famed rapper, Tupac Shakur, dead at twenty five." Then Pac would speak again.
"Will I survive until the morning to see the sun/ lord forgive me for my sins / cause here i come." Songs we had listened to a thousand times over, were being HEARD for the first time. And felt in a way they had never been felt before. The weight of those lyrics seemed to sit on our backs, cutting off all circulation, simply adding to the numbness.
We'd still be numb when the video for "I Ain't Mad At Ya" debuted a few days later. The video depicted the late rapper being shot, dying in an ambulance, and going to heaven. Ironic? Indeed. Then the rumors began to circulate about 2pac being alive. I remember this kid from Florida telling us the theory in such a compelling tone, that we were all sitting around smiling like, "could it be"? He theorized Pac survived the shooting, and for his safety, was snuck out of the hospital, pronounced dead, and put on a plane heading out of the country. I think he mentioned Cuba or something. Looking back it all sounds pretty far fetched, but at the time, we WANTED to believe, so we did.
"Remember me as an outcast, outlaw / another album out, that's what i'm about more / getting more to the day i see my casket bury me a G / while the whole world remembers me / until the end of time" - 2pac
I also remember when the Makaveli album dropped. The first words on the album were "Suge Shot Me", whispered in a voice that sounded like Pac's. Then on the song "Hold Your Held", there was a cryptic message hidden in the song. Twelve seconds in you hear Pac whisper, "Look and see me". Another voice whispers, "I see you". Then Pac whispers back, "I'm Alive". Add in the fact that Makaveli was based off of Machiavelli, a political theorist who advocated faking one's death to fool his enemies and, well, let's just say those alive theories began to seem very real. There were also number theories that revolved around the number seven. For instance, Pac was shot on the 6th, and died 7 days later on the 13th. Pac was 25 when he died, 2+5 = 7. Pac died at 4:03 p.m. 4+3=7. There were tons of them, and well, at the time, we ate it all up.
It's weird. When most people die, you see them one last time, and you never see them again. Not 2pac. Not only did two videos featuring 2pac drop for the Makaveli album, but in 1997, he seemed to be everywhere. As a person whose relationship with Pac was only through music and the tv screen, it really was as if dude was NOT dead. Two movies starring 2pac made their way to the big screen,
Gang Related, and
Gridlock'd. And both movies were accompanied by a soundtrack that also featured 2pac. To top it off, later that year his mother released a double album of lost songs titled "R U Still Down". Then the bootlegs began to surface. First it was Makaveli 2. Then what seems like endless volumes of 2pac material began to surface on the streets in every city. I read somewhere that all those bootleg albums unofficially sold around 20 million copies. According to Afeni Shakur, Pac left well over 250 unreleased songs, so suddenly it became apparent to me and everyone who loved Pac. He wasn't going anywhere anytime soon.
In subsequent years came more albums, picture books, dvd's, poetry books, live concert footage, and interview cd's. There were tee shirts, wax portraits, and murals. Even a couple of unreleased videos popped up. It was as if every time you thought 2pac was gone, he kept fighting to live. And he keeps winning that fight. 2pac is the best selling hip hop artist of all time, with well over 35 million record sales and counting. Mind you, he's released more music in his death than he ever did in life. A full length documentary about his life, appropriately titled
Ressurection, was nominated for an Oscar. And in Stone Mountain, Ga., the Tupac Amaru Center for The Arts sits on a 3 and a half acre plot, giving interested children a chance to participate in the arts. A lifesize bronze statue of 2pac stands in front of it, greeting all who enter.. So what does it all mean?
It means 2pac was more than a man. And far more than a rapper. Tupac was an idea, and ideas don't die. Although 2pac was only famous for five years, the impact he left on the world is immeasurable. As a flesh and blood anti-hero, muscular with wild eyes and flashes of brilliance, 2pac wooed us all. He eloquently represented our most menacing nightmare, and our fondest dream. He was all things, to all people. But mostly, he was beautifully flawed, like all of us. That human element is what made him this universally loved figure. He spoke to our pain, our insecurities, and our hunger to be rich, and powerful, and fight back. He spoke to ideals like unconditional love, loyalty, and honesty. The rebel we all wanted to be, he became, and continues to become. Ten years later, and I'm not numb anymore. But not a day goes by that I don't feel like I was robbed, of something irreplaceable. The reason I write, is because of 2pac. The sheer amount of work he created in his short life is simply remarkable, and continues to inspire me. After he died, I could no longer wait for him to say what needed to be said. He put the pen in my hand, and basically said it's my turn to say it. So each day, I keep trying. And each day, millions of others use 2pac's legacy as a reason to keep trying as well. Look around, it's pretty obvious. Tupac Lives! One luv.
PERSONAL PAC FAVORITESALBUMS - "ME Against The World" & "Makaveli"
SONGS - "Death Around The Corner", "Who Do You Believe In", "Pain", "So Many Tears", "High Til I Die", "Point The Finger", "Ambitionz Of A Rider", "White Man's World", "Staring At My Rearview", "Words Of Wisdom", "Thug Style", "What's Next", "High Speed", "R U Still Down"
VIDEOS - "I Get Around", "California Love", "Strictly For My Niggaz"
QUOTES - "I didn't invent Thug Life, I diagnosed it" - 2pac, "Why lie when I can dramatize" - 2pac
MOVIES - "Ressurection", "Juice", "Gang Related"
DVD's - "Live At The House Of Blues", "Tupac Vs.", "2pac 4Ever, "Ressurection"
BOOKS - "Ressurection", "Got Your Back, "Tupac Shakur: From The Editors of Vibe"
POEMS - "The Mutual Heartbreak"
